Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Holding on to Hope



Last year when I joined Phi Lamb my relationship with God grew like it never had before. I took so many steps in my faith in such a short period of time and it was truly life changing.

Since the new semester I have gotten super frustrated with myself because I feel like I haven't progressed any more in my faith. It has left me feeling super guilty and torn down. I have been filled with so much anxiety and  as I watch people around me who are venturing off into different directions (such as mission trips, missionaries) and while those are awesome directions... they're just not me. I've battled with feeling like I am supposed to want to do those same things. But the truth is, I don't want to at all.  And if I don't does that make me a bad Christian? Does that mean I am disobeying God? 

After many great talks with my mom and wonderful friends I have come to the conclusion that no it does not. And while that may seem like an obvious answer to people, when you're in that place of doubt and being ashamed you just don't see everything quite so clearly.

I am here to say if anyone out there feels the way I do, know you're not alone. Life is a journey and you will never stop growing and God knows this. There is not a switch that we can turn to change ourselves automatically. Your relationship with God is just that, your relationship. And everyone's is going to be different.  Slowly I have started believing in myself and the purposes I have on this earth. Because I do have a purpose, just like you, and more than likely our purposes will not be the same. And that is okay. 

In fact, I think you will always be trying to get to where you want to be, but you'll never achieve it until you're face to face with The Lord. I feel I am pretty honest with people about who I am and what my life is like. I have never been good at pretending my life is going great when it's not. I am the person who always envies everyone else because whether it's true or not, they look like they have their life together. But they don't. No body does. We are humans who make mistakes every single day and no matter how hard we try not one single person on this earth will ever reach perfection. This may just be me, but that gives me so much hope. Hope that I'm am doing what God has planned for me. Hope that I am taking steps in my faith, no matter how small they may be. And hope that though I am human and may struggle with my faith, God loves me the same.

Simply, 

Kendall Rose

16 comments:

  1. Kendall, I have been through those same emotions and had similar thoughts. Your not a bad Christian, He is calling you to something great and He is preparing you just how you need to be prepared. Thank you for sharing and being honest with your faith! Good luck on your journey!

    Shelby

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    1. Thank you so much for your support! I am praying to have an open heart and mind so that I am able to accept His guidance. So thankful God has given me such a great community:)

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  2. Our growth can come in different forms. I pray that you won't get distracted by what others' are experiencing. One day at a time! :)

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    1. That is so true-- it is just so hard to remember sometimes. Thank you for your prayers- I really appreciate your support:)

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  3. I'm a big believer that we all have a very different purpose as well. Finding that purpose and using it as our strength is a massive accomplishment :)

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    1. Well thank you for that! It is definitely easy to forget sometimes in the midst of everything going on around us.

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  4. I've been there. I am there. I think what your saying about holding on to hope is true. I think holding on to it tooth and nail is imperative. I think seeking and waiting for peace gives true clarity and purpose. no what's not you is a start. trying what you are possibly considering gives more clarity and more peace, following that knowing I'm finding is the real key. Godspeed

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    1. Glad to know I'm not the only one!! Sometimes it is just so hard to be patient! I am definitely praying that God reveals some clarity for me. I'll be praying for you Liv:)

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  5. I went to a retreat for church this weekend and I'm feeling very aware of my relationship with God and Jesus.

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    1. That is so awesome! I love having that feeling:)

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  6. Great thoughts Kendall! I struggle with this a lot, especially since I have such a secular occupation. But you can be a light for God wherever you're placed. Not to mention being faithful to tithing can turn any job into a mission. Thanks for your honesty!

    www.designsbykaty.com

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    1. That is so true, Katy! Thanks for the great advice- I totally did not think of it that way. I am super thankful to have such great support:)

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  7. Spirituality and faith are journeys through mountains of struggle and valleys of smooth sailing.

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    1. What a profound statement! Thank you for this Lana:)

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  8. oh my word....I'm reading Let's All Be Brave and the author talks about the same thing! not having those desires (to be a missionary, etc.) does NOT make you a bad Christian! God calls and equips us all differently...He only asks that we make disciples wherever we are, and there are so many ways to witness to others!

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    1. Wow-- isn't God just so tricky how He interweaves our lives with others in order to help push each other toward the cross? So grateful for you and your sweet thoughts! Thank you for this:)

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